You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
