Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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