our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
