i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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