Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
