Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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