if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
