i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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