Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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