so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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