girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
