i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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