garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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