dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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