too bad you live with your parents still
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
