The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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