Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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