The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
