Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
