Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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