can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
