I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
