it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
