Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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