Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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