its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
