i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
