No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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