you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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