I need to stop coming to work sober
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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