Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
