i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
