i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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