Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
