i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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