I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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