shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
