I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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