I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
