Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
