You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
