i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
