i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
