i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
