smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
