Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
