Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
