Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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