Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
