i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
