I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Randomize
