my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
