Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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