i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
