He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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